Fat to Thinner to Fat Again

Dear Renee Zellweger (and other Movie Stars Who Have to Gain Weight for Their Roles),

Man, do I feel for you!  People think it must be fun to gain weight for a movie role, but I now realize just how difficult it is.  Over the last 3-4 months, I've packed on a good 13-15 lbs. due to stress brought about by a cross-country move, which has a lot of saying good-bye to people at bars/restaurants.  

The weight gain is driving me nuts.  I spent a long time losing 20 lbs, and to have most of it creep back on is frustrating.  I got rid of my fat clothes, and now I'm in grave danger of needing them again.  I feel the heaviness.  I feel how parts of my body have expanded, and it's both frustrating and disgusting.  I've let my hard work go to waste, and I feel pretty gross and down on myself because of it.  I imagine you felt much the same way when gaining weight  for the Bridget Jones movies--and you did it twice!  I mean, even with the nice paycheck, it had to be tough to do this to yourself, right?

Once we move, I'm going to focus on whittling off the pounds, but I don't really want to spend another year losing this weight.  How'd you shave it off so quickly?  Any tips would be appreciated.  

Thanks in advance!

Your pal, 

Jill

Cry Without Tears

Well, folks, my friends over at Kleenex declined my sponsorship request.  To be honest, I never really thought they would say yes.  I wonder how many times their customer services people type this on a daily basis.  I wouldn't be surprised if Lisa here thought, A three-pack of Kleenex is under $10.  How cheap can she be?!


Maybe Lisa didn't grow up Dutch (or Dutch-American).  I learned from the cheapest folks around!

Still, it's nice to get a reply!

Dear Jill,

Thanks for your e-mail to Kimberly-Clark.  We appreciate the opportunity to respond to your request for sponsorship.

We receive a large number of invitations to review events for sponsorship.  At this time, we are pleased with the programs created by our advertising agencies and have no plans to participate in other events.

Thanks again for thinking of Kimberly-Clark.  Please accept our best wishes.


Lisa S.
Consumer ServicesKimberly-Clark Corp.

013511928A

I Tend to Get a Bit Weepy

Dear Kleenex,

Would you like to be the official facial tissue of my move?  After 15 years of living here, I'm leaving Chicago for Boston.  I have a lot of people to say good-bye too, and I'm known for being a bit of a crier.

Sponsorship wouldn't cost you much--just a few boxes would be great.  I can carry them around to all my good-bye events and display them prominently.  I could also perhaps mention just how fabulously soft they are, especially on a tired nose.

This would be an easy way to combat the effects of the private label facial tissues that probably have been hurting your bottom line in this bad economy.  Why buy Kleenex?  Kleenex cares!

Let me know if you're interested, and we'll work out the details.

Thanks!

Your pal,
Jill

Can You Spare Some Change?

Dear Chicago Police Superintendent Jody P. Weis,

Oh, man.  Whichever Chicago Police Department-affiliated person called my house yesterday to ask for money to help buy bulletproof vests should be happy that the Boy got to the phone before I did.  The Boy is much more diplomatic than I am.  If I'd have gotten the call, you might have heard my voice all the way in your office.

Why?  Why wouldn't I want to donate some money to help buy our fine police officers get some bulletproof vests?  Well, part of me wondered how many the CPD has, how many you need, and why can't you afford to buy them out of your own budget. Sure, I can imagine that times are tough, the budget's been cut, and you probably can't afford them.  That part my empathetic self can understand.  However, that self would totally be drowned out by the self who is sick and tired of the cops calling me and begging.

Almost every month, someone related to the police department calls and asks for money for some police function. These have included:

• Money for violence awareness programs for youth 
• Money for the families of fallen police officers
• Money for bulletproof vests (more than once)
• And I believe money for some sort of athletic program--maybe also for the kids

Who in the police department has time to call me so often?  And why are they spending my tax dollars doing so?  If you don't have the money for these programs, maybe they shouldn't exist.  Violence awareness?  I'm pretty sure everyone in the city knows that there's a lot of youth violence. We don't need to be made more aware! 

Please, stop the begging.  It's only giving the CPD a bad image in my eyes.  It's a shame that the face of the police, most of whom are doing a good job and working hard to keep our city safe, is now one that I see as a big harasser.

Your pal,

Jill

Erin Go Drink

Dear People of Ireland,

Do you think St. Patrick would've celebrated his feast day by wearing green clothing and beads and getting so shitfaced hammered at his parade that he could hardly stumble home at four in the afternoon?

Just curious...not that I mind.  It's just that here in America (or Chicago), that's what this day (and/or the Saturday closest to it) has become.  Personally, I think it's God's way of telling me that I shouldn't frequent bars so often, since on this, another day of amateur drinking, I stay far, far away from the party scene.

Your pal,
Jill

An Olympic Whackjob

Right before the Olympics, I e-mailed the author of my favorite Olympic reference book.  On Sunday I got this response:

Dear Jill,
Thank you for your interest. In the unlikely event that my nephew and I can't handle the books alone, I will keep you in mind. Good luck in your ventures.David Wallechinsky

Yesterday I talked about e-mail vs. snail mail.  You know what else is rough about e-mail?  Seeing your original message in black and white.  What at first seemed funny/goofy/clever suddenly takes on a "NUTJOB!" tone.  So much so that I'm surprised Mr. Wallechinsky was kind enough to reply.

Needless to say, I won't be hitting the reply button on this one.

A Reply! And the State of the Inbox

Dear Readers,

Ah, the power of e-mail.  I sometimes wonder if the regular letter is just going to disappear in favor of electronic communications.  In this project, I've been trying to write letters on stationery and post them, but because of time constraints (and a nasty online mah-jongg habit), I have resorted to e-mailing several of  my "Your Pal, Jill" letters.

In a way I'm disappointed with myself for doing so, but at the same time, the only replies I've ever gotten are from e-mails, such as this nice acknowledgement from Nancy Hascall, the composer I wrote to the other day:

Hi Jill,

Thanks for your e-mail.   I always love hearing about how this piece has moved people.   From its inception I have felt it was a gift to me (not from  me), to be shared.   

Blessings,

:-)  Nancy

Her sending this little note brightened up my Inbox, and it probably only took her a couple of minutes to write, as opposed to having to pull out the stationery,  write the three sentences, find a stamp, and mail it.  As much as I like getting snail mail, I'm starting to feel like the junk/marketing e-mail situation in my Inbox is getting to the point where an e-mail from a regular person excites me.  Do you feel the same way?

Your pal,
Jill

Thanks for the Music

Dear Nancy Hascall,

After about 11 years, I'm leaving the handbell choir at the First United Methodist Church at the Chicago Temple because my husband and I are relocating to Massachusetts for a job.  This Sunday is my last Sunday of ringing with them, and in honor of that I got to choose the song we're playing.  I chose your composition "Gethsemane."

This is actually the third time I've played this piece with the choir, and I absolutely love it.   I first rang it at the D & E-5 slot.  Then I moved to F & G-5, where I currently stand.  When we pulled this song out again, it was funny--my muscles remembered exactly what to do, and before my standmate could think about turning the first page, I'd already instinctively flipped it.

I love how this song feels like Lent.  Its quiet beginning, the tumult of Christ praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, and the acceptance of His impending death.  It's one of the few songs I've played that emotionally exhausts me.  In the middle of the piece, after a few measures of clashing chords that are resolved through dampening certain bells, I feel a strange, yet exhilarating relief.  It's not a difficult section for me--it's just that I get so charged up by the emotion of the music, and I feel glad that I can quietly sink back into a moving melody line that shifts into a meditation.

It's a really beautiful piece to play, and the music captures the feelings you had beautifully. I just wanted to say thanks for writing it.

Your pal,
Jill