Dear Cherry Bomb Bakery,
Yesterday I stopped by your establishment to use a Buy With Me voucher for a half-dozen cupcakes. I was even going to buy a few extra so that I could take them to a meeting.
Except that when I got to your location, I discovered you were closed. Closed on Mondays!
Boy, did I feel like a boob. I'd gotten your address and directions off your website, but how could I miss your hours of operation?
Because they weren't on your site.
Really? Really?! Isn't that a basic thing to have on your website, the place where people will first look for you? I hadn't thought to call to double-check, but should I have had to? Wouldn't you get tired of all the calls about when you're open?
Anyway, I'll be stopping by later today to redeem my voucher. No extra cupcakes though--I don't need them anymore. It'll probably be the last time I stop in too. My brain is full of enough random information--I don't need to retain your operating hours on top of it. And if I don't know when you're open, I'm not going to make a special trek to Brighton for a cupcake.
Perhaps your website is missing other crucial information that's keeping customers from stopping by. I'm a professional writer, so if you want me to have a thorough look at your site, I'd be willing to help you out. My fees are quite reasonable.
Looking forward to talking to you.
Your pal,
Jill
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
A Point in the War on Celebrity Interviews
Dear Philip Roth,
Bravo! I just read the "Out to Lunch" piece on you in November's Vanity Fair. Good job on flummoxing John Heilpern, the writer of the piece:
Personally, I don't know how you felt, but I'm going to hope you feel the same way I do: It's stupid. I hate those celebrity interviews that always take place over a meal and mention that some famous actress had a hearty appetite and dug into a steak. Or that a writer nibbled on a salad. Who cares? It's not setting the scene--it's giving the reader another way to judge the interviewee, and we could use a little less of that in our celebrity-focused society.
Hopefully you're setting a precedent for everyone else. I'm not holding my breath, but at least this was a breath of fresh air.
Thanks so much!
Your pal,
Jill
Bravo! I just read the "Out to Lunch" piece on you in November's Vanity Fair. Good job on flummoxing John Heilpern, the writer of the piece:
Philip Roth met me at the restaurant of his choice, the West Street Grill, overlooking the Green in Litchfield, about 20 minutes' drive from his home in Connecticut. The famously private novelist had made an eccentric condition of our meeting, however. I was not to mention what he ate for lunch.
Not that he ordered anything unusual. (And the popular restaurant is conventional enough.) But, still... This was the lunch that dare not speak its menu.I suppose Heilpern thought it an "eccentric" request because after all, the column is called "Out to Lunch," and you're going out to lunch, so why not set the scene and give a little insight into what the interview subject likes to eat?
Personally, I don't know how you felt, but I'm going to hope you feel the same way I do: It's stupid. I hate those celebrity interviews that always take place over a meal and mention that some famous actress had a hearty appetite and dug into a steak. Or that a writer nibbled on a salad. Who cares? It's not setting the scene--it's giving the reader another way to judge the interviewee, and we could use a little less of that in our celebrity-focused society.
Hopefully you're setting a precedent for everyone else. I'm not holding my breath, but at least this was a breath of fresh air.
Thanks so much!
Your pal,
Jill
Friday, October 22, 2010
Fashion Forward?
Dear Readers,
When it comes to sneakers, what brands do you like wearing? Nike? Addidas? Brooks? Asics? Reebok?
How about the Gravity Defyer:
Ease your tired feet with springy shoes! Sounds like heaven, no? So, why haven't I heard of these before (unless I'm a compulsive SkyMall catalog reader)? And why haven't I seen them on anyone's feet?
Oh, I don't know.....maybe it's because of this:
I don't know about you, but I don't exactly think that wearing sperm on my shoes is very cool. And I'm not sure "slick" is the right term either. I'm guessing it's more "because somebody made a mistake." Which I'm guessing could be said of some sperm as well.
Have a good weekend!
Your pal,
Jill
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Shooting for Patience
Dear Readers,
Today was supposed to be some other sort of entry about my and the Boy's gun license applications. We're trying to get gun licenses because we'd like to get our own rifles and handguns for a variety of reasons. Partly, it's so we can get our own biathlon rifles, but there are other shooting sports we'd like to try and other lawful purposes for owning a gun.
The gun licensing process in Massachusetts is fairly involved, and the requirements vary from town to town. One of the requirements in my town is an interview with the police department, and the Boy and I went in for ours today.
It turned out to be a meeting to fill out the online gun application, turn in some paperwork that proves who we are and who vouches for us as responsible people, and get fingerprinted. Now the department will do a thorough background check on us, and then we'll schedule another interview to talk more about our potential licensing.
This means we'll have to wait at least three weeks for this next step. Although it could be a little frustrating--after all, we started this process in the beginning of September--it's kind of a nice exercise in patience. We had anticipated that it would take a while to receive our licenses, but getting confirmation that it actually will take that amount of time (or longer) just gives us the knowledge that we have to dig into our personal stores of patience and wait.
Those that live in states where it's easier to get a license might think Massachusetts is a bit crazy with its laws. However, my state has its laws for a reason, and my police chief has a responsibility to make sure that these laws are carried out in the safest manner possible. If that means I have to wait a little bit longer, then all right. At least I know my application is being taken seriously and that all the steps are done to make sure that the town is being careful with its licensing process.
So we wait.
Your pal,
Jill
Today was supposed to be some other sort of entry about my and the Boy's gun license applications. We're trying to get gun licenses because we'd like to get our own rifles and handguns for a variety of reasons. Partly, it's so we can get our own biathlon rifles, but there are other shooting sports we'd like to try and other lawful purposes for owning a gun.
The gun licensing process in Massachusetts is fairly involved, and the requirements vary from town to town. One of the requirements in my town is an interview with the police department, and the Boy and I went in for ours today.
It turned out to be a meeting to fill out the online gun application, turn in some paperwork that proves who we are and who vouches for us as responsible people, and get fingerprinted. Now the department will do a thorough background check on us, and then we'll schedule another interview to talk more about our potential licensing.
This means we'll have to wait at least three weeks for this next step. Although it could be a little frustrating--after all, we started this process in the beginning of September--it's kind of a nice exercise in patience. We had anticipated that it would take a while to receive our licenses, but getting confirmation that it actually will take that amount of time (or longer) just gives us the knowledge that we have to dig into our personal stores of patience and wait.
Those that live in states where it's easier to get a license might think Massachusetts is a bit crazy with its laws. However, my state has its laws for a reason, and my police chief has a responsibility to make sure that these laws are carried out in the safest manner possible. If that means I have to wait a little bit longer, then all right. At least I know my application is being taken seriously and that all the steps are done to make sure that the town is being careful with its licensing process.
So we wait.
Your pal,
Jill
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The Last Drop
Dear Readers,
Anyone have any effective way of totally emptying a liquid laundry detergent bottle? Today I had to throw in a load of laundry, and I didn't have much detergent left in the bottle. Yet, even when it looked like the bottle was empty because nothing else was pouring out, I could still see a fair amount of detergent in the bottle. With enough shaking, I went from having almost no detergent for my load, to basically having a load's worth of detergent.
What gives? Do I have to cut the bottle open to get the rest of the detergent out? Or do I simply switch to powder?
Advice appreciated!
Your pal,
Jill
Anyone have any effective way of totally emptying a liquid laundry detergent bottle? Today I had to throw in a load of laundry, and I didn't have much detergent left in the bottle. Yet, even when it looked like the bottle was empty because nothing else was pouring out, I could still see a fair amount of detergent in the bottle. With enough shaking, I went from having almost no detergent for my load, to basically having a load's worth of detergent.
What gives? Do I have to cut the bottle open to get the rest of the detergent out? Or do I simply switch to powder?
Advice appreciated!
Your pal,
Jill
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Time to Quit
Dear Netflix,
Today I will do it. I will finally quit you.
I realize I'm the type of customer you love--the one that doesn't return a movie for six weeks (unless I get on a TV jag and watch a season in a week), but I have to quit.
I can't take the guilt--"The Savages" has been sitting around since September, and I got my credit card bill with yet another charge on it for a this great service that I'm just not using. I'm one of those persons who has a queue full of movies I should watch--and I actually do want to watch them, but just not when they show up in my mailbox. On top of that, I've got a pretty full DVR that I'd like to clean out. That's my new queue right now.
So, even though it's an honor to be one of your favorite types of customers, I'm going to have to stop being that person. Maybe I'll come back, but for now, I have to quit you.
Your pal,
Jill
Today I will do it. I will finally quit you.
I realize I'm the type of customer you love--the one that doesn't return a movie for six weeks (unless I get on a TV jag and watch a season in a week), but I have to quit.
I can't take the guilt--"The Savages" has been sitting around since September, and I got my credit card bill with yet another charge on it for a this great service that I'm just not using. I'm one of those persons who has a queue full of movies I should watch--and I actually do want to watch them, but just not when they show up in my mailbox. On top of that, I've got a pretty full DVR that I'd like to clean out. That's my new queue right now.
So, even though it's an honor to be one of your favorite types of customers, I'm going to have to stop being that person. Maybe I'll come back, but for now, I have to quit you.
Your pal,
Jill
Monday, October 18, 2010
Start It Right
Dear Restauranteurs,
Whither the starter salad? Maybe it's a New England thing, but I'm having a problem finding a decently priced, properly portioned appetizer-sized salad when I go out to eat. It's driving me crazy--I'm tired of spending a ton of extra dough just to get some veg in my meal!
This last Saturday was about the worst. The Boy and I were in Portland--I went for roller derby, he came along, and it just so happened, we were able to meet up with a college friend of his, which was really nice. She took us to a good local establishment with a nice beer menu. The food menu also wasn't bad--bar food, with a bunch of salad options.
I wanted fish & chips for an entree. I know, I know--not the healthiest of choices, so why I'm complaining about salad may be a shock, but still. I wanted a little bit of salad at the beginning of my meal. No starter salads on the menu, so I ordered a house salad. Cost me something like $6.99--and the Boy got one too. On top of an entree. And to top it off, the salad was huge--I really could've done with 1/3 to 1/2 of it (though the salad alone probably gave me my 5 servings of veg for the day, which was the only good part), but I didn't have the option.
Should I have asked if they could do a half-salad for half-price? I'm not one to order off the menu. I don't like to make life difficult for the staff, especially when the place is full.
Still, I've found it difficult to find a small salad on a menu. I'm not talking the "substitute your fries for a salad" option. I'm talking about 1 cup of greens, with maybe some carrots, a little red onion, and a cucumber slice---and those last two ingredients are icing on the cake. Dressing on the side (and about half of what you'd typically give for a regular salad). Charge me $3.25-$3.50. It's not a huge portion, but it's one that helps me get a little bit of vegetables in with my menu.
If you're worried about food spoiling, start upselling. Make it an attractive deal, creatively mention it when people order, and they may want to start with it. What could it hurt? Not my waistline, that's for sure.
Your pal,
Jill
Whither the starter salad? Maybe it's a New England thing, but I'm having a problem finding a decently priced, properly portioned appetizer-sized salad when I go out to eat. It's driving me crazy--I'm tired of spending a ton of extra dough just to get some veg in my meal!
This last Saturday was about the worst. The Boy and I were in Portland--I went for roller derby, he came along, and it just so happened, we were able to meet up with a college friend of his, which was really nice. She took us to a good local establishment with a nice beer menu. The food menu also wasn't bad--bar food, with a bunch of salad options.
I wanted fish & chips for an entree. I know, I know--not the healthiest of choices, so why I'm complaining about salad may be a shock, but still. I wanted a little bit of salad at the beginning of my meal. No starter salads on the menu, so I ordered a house salad. Cost me something like $6.99--and the Boy got one too. On top of an entree. And to top it off, the salad was huge--I really could've done with 1/3 to 1/2 of it (though the salad alone probably gave me my 5 servings of veg for the day, which was the only good part), but I didn't have the option.
Should I have asked if they could do a half-salad for half-price? I'm not one to order off the menu. I don't like to make life difficult for the staff, especially when the place is full.
Still, I've found it difficult to find a small salad on a menu. I'm not talking the "substitute your fries for a salad" option. I'm talking about 1 cup of greens, with maybe some carrots, a little red onion, and a cucumber slice---and those last two ingredients are icing on the cake. Dressing on the side (and about half of what you'd typically give for a regular salad). Charge me $3.25-$3.50. It's not a huge portion, but it's one that helps me get a little bit of vegetables in with my menu.
If you're worried about food spoiling, start upselling. Make it an attractive deal, creatively mention it when people order, and they may want to start with it. What could it hurt? Not my waistline, that's for sure.
Your pal,
Jill
Friday, October 15, 2010
Crossing Words
Dear Irene Casey, Crossword puzzle creator,
I'm normally not one of those nit-picky people who gets all wrapped up in semantics and is easily offended by an incorrect phrasing. However, your crossword puzzle "Failing Grades" (published on 10/8/10 in the Boston Globe) really failed with me.
Take a look at 14-Across. A 5-letter word for "What a roller derby queen throws." What's your answer? ELBOW.
If you take a look at the Women's Flat Track Derby Association Rules, you will see in rule 6.4 that use of elbows is not allowed in roller derby. Heck, even banked track derby doesn't allow elbows, according to the Bay City Bombers. Maybe it was back in the day, and perhaps that's what you meant by "roller derby queen," but today's roller derby is different. The queens of today throw BLOCKS, not elbows.
I wouldn't be so picky about this, except that I'm tired of explaining that roller derby has evolved and is different from the derby on TV that the old-timers remember. Roller derby has moved away from the drama and the story lines and the fighting, and it's turned into a legitimate sport, where the outcome isn't pre-determined. The roller derby queens of yesterday were fantastic, but the skaters of today are taking the sport to an entirely new level. It doesn't help when people like you continue to perpetuate the myths that derby girls (and their officials, which includes me) are trying so hard to shed.
Next time you write a crossword puzzle, please check your facts. Even though a crossword is entertainment, it's also a learning tool, and it should be as accurate as possible.
Your pal,
Jill
cc: Timothy Parker, editor
I'm normally not one of those nit-picky people who gets all wrapped up in semantics and is easily offended by an incorrect phrasing. However, your crossword puzzle "Failing Grades" (published on 10/8/10 in the Boston Globe) really failed with me.
Take a look at 14-Across. A 5-letter word for "What a roller derby queen throws." What's your answer? ELBOW.
If you take a look at the Women's Flat Track Derby Association Rules, you will see in rule 6.4 that use of elbows is not allowed in roller derby. Heck, even banked track derby doesn't allow elbows, according to the Bay City Bombers. Maybe it was back in the day, and perhaps that's what you meant by "roller derby queen," but today's roller derby is different. The queens of today throw BLOCKS, not elbows.
I wouldn't be so picky about this, except that I'm tired of explaining that roller derby has evolved and is different from the derby on TV that the old-timers remember. Roller derby has moved away from the drama and the story lines and the fighting, and it's turned into a legitimate sport, where the outcome isn't pre-determined. The roller derby queens of yesterday were fantastic, but the skaters of today are taking the sport to an entirely new level. It doesn't help when people like you continue to perpetuate the myths that derby girls (and their officials, which includes me) are trying so hard to shed.
Next time you write a crossword puzzle, please check your facts. Even though a crossword is entertainment, it's also a learning tool, and it should be as accurate as possible.
Your pal,
Jill
cc: Timothy Parker, editor
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