My Story in Four Wheels

Dear Land Rover,

When I was at the Chicago Auto Show the other week, I saw the Land Rover Autobiography, and I thought, Boy, that's about the dumbest name for a car I've ever heard of!  And we've got some dumb names out there now.  Take, for instance, the Ford Fiesta, which sadly, does not have a built-in pinata holder. And the Suzuki Equator, which does not bulge in the middle.  Or the Mercury Mariner, which is not one of those amphibious vehicles  you can actually sail, thereby really manning a ship.

In my book, the Autobiography was right up there with these cars.  It didn't roll off the tongue nicely, it didn't sound very car-like.  Then I read that the Autobiography was super-customized, allowing the owner to pick out nearly every feature, and then the name made sense (still doesn't roll off the tongue, but it makes sense).  It also seems perfectly American--instead of bothering to take the time to write your own autobiography, just design a car.  We love our cars--sometimes they say more about us than we do.

Now that I have a car to aspire to own, let me ask you this:  What sorts of features do female, blue-streaked brunettes choose on their Autobiographies?  How about petite writers who have a nasty habit of chewing their fingernails and are habitually late for everything?  Let me know--once I write my autobiography, I'll be buying an Autobiography to do my book tour (how awesome would that be?!).  I'd like to start picking out the features now...and saving my pennies so that I can get the finest car that defines me.

Thanks for your help!
Your pal,
Jill